The Peterson Family

The Peterson Family

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Officially Not Pregnant.

That's kind of the gist of it. I'm sad, and a little terrified of becoming my friend. It's not uncommon for it to not work the first time, but it's plenty frustrating. I just feel like there is this long road of IVF in front of me that I really can't afford, at all. I'm not sure we are even able to afford doing the IUI again at this point. I can't decide if my husband is overly optimistic or naive, he's just so darn positive that this morning he was driving me bananas. I love that he is so supportive, but I just feel like my body has failed both of us. It's not the first time and certainly won't be the last, and I feel guilty about it. I also found out another friend is pregnant. This bring the count to like 3 within the last couple weeks and I don't know how many total (it's a lot). I'm happy for them, just sad for me, and a little jealous.

I have work today and hopefully that will be a decent distraction and we are going to go to the temple tomorrow. I really need some answers because I feel like I've just been wrong about everything in my life lately. Not to mention General Conference is this weekend and really, I'm kind of addicted. It's been hard only making it every other week, but I feel its really important that I spend time with my kids. Now that I'm working and not around as often I feel guilty about not spending enough time with them, so for now every other week will have to do it. Well, better go take care of the great kids I do have.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Ready for this week to be over

So I already told you about the work thing, and thankfully I think that is going to work out fine, but I'm still kicking myself over my stupid mistake. Then there was the back thing, which I'm having to see a specialist for, once I get all my info to take to him.

I survived Tuesday thanks to my twin mommy group, and then on Friday we went up to Ogden for an overnighter with them. These really were my only 2 good events during the week. On my way to meet up with my carpool my husband called to tell me that the brakes had gone out on his car. My wonderful in-laws paid to get them fix, all 500 bucks worth (so I guess that was good too), but as soon as I got home yesterday, Tyson had to run an errand, and his car was rattling so bad and was completely out of oil, so it got towed today. I hate this car so dang bad. Also, my husband had 3 scheduled shifts at work and that got cut down to 2, and that's not so good when we need every cent. On the plus side, he is able to donate plasma again, yes we are so pathetic that this is a good thing! :)

Lastly I've had 2 negative pregnancy tests (well really 4, but the other 2 I took way too early). I've decided to give it till Wednesday and if nothing has happened either way I'll pay for the blood test. I just don't want to pay for another test (especially if I'm gonna be spending more money than I have to try this again next month) if I'm not at least a couple days late. I'm also a bit of a scaredy cat.  After I took the first test when I was pregnant with the boys and it was positive I was too afraid to take the second and have it say something different. Also, when I found out I was pregnant with the boys I was practically 8 weeks, so I don't know if these tests are sensitive enough for me this early, or if it really is negative. I guess we'll find out this week.

This week in church we were discussing counting our blessings, or something of the sort, I really needed it after this week and I'm just praying that next week is better. I'm trying to remember the good things, and hug and love on my wonderful little boys that I do have and be grateful that I have a husband who supports me 100%. It's just so hard when you know there is more, and waiting really sucks!

Thursday, March 22, 2012


So the new job has majorly mellowed out and it's a piece of cake, other than my inability to remember to turn off the steam table (which I'm praying doesn't get me fired, it's happened twice now). The first time it was fine, apparently last night though food got burned into it and that I really don't understand, considering it gets "cleaned" every night by the students. You'd think if they noticed the heat they'd hit the shut off button because it would have to be stinking hot to clean, but then you'd think I could remember to do it too. (I'm kind of thinking it's the hormones I've been on that are making me so spacey and I'll get better) I personally think this would be a stupid thing to lose my job over, on my part and the boss', but we'll see. Pray that doesn't happen, I really need this job. Anyways, I'm off till next week and I've got a get away planned tomorrow with a bunch of twin mommies. I'm so excited and I'm making dinner there, I'm much more looking forward to that!

Tuesday was not such a good day. I got the results of my MRI on my back read to me over the phone. It led to a bit of a breakdown and I left work early. (So you see between these 2 incidents I'm kinda freaking out). Apparently I have mild spinal stenosis, arthropathy, premature deterioration of L4 and L5, and buldging discs or something of the like. Apparently my back is about 20 years older than I am and I have to go see a specialist. Not looking forward to that. Really hoping I'm pregnant so then I can just avoid it for like the next 9 months. I know that's not the mature thing, but I'm also afraid the doc is going to tell me I should never get pregnant again and that terrifies me. I did have a MOM's night out Tuesday though and that was good. I love to get together with those ladies they make me feel so much better and are so good at distracting me.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

New Job and other odds and ends

So I started my new job yesterday and it was insane. At BYU I worked with a bunch of people and I had pretty much every new kitchen toy you can think of, also I never had to peel anything and rarely had to dice either and yesterday I spent way too much time peeling and dicing potatoes and it was only for 65 people! Today was much better, I had a better handle on thing and there were no potatoes! Tomorrow I will be taking my own peeler with me. About half-way through the day I really didn't want to keep working, then came dinner, and the compliments, and rants and raving, and I remembered why I love to cook. The sense of pride I get when someone really enjoys what I put so much work into is just amazing. Those kids are so appreciative, much more so than my 20 month old boys who just want to eat oatmeal and pop-tarts. :) (Don't worry, I still love them more). Oh, and the best part, other than being totally out of shape for this and sore, my back hasn't bothered me hardly at all! Yay!

So the other thing that's been going on. We had the ultrasound on Sunday and I had 2 eggs, good sized and ready to go. So, I got shot up for the 4th time in 6 days (which doesn't even compare to when I'm actually pregnant, but still, that's a lot of needles!) this time with HCG. It does NOT give you same fuzzy euphoria that morphine does, it does however tell your body to release those little eggs so hopefully some sperm can find it, fertilize it, and grow it into a baby. Sorry if that's overly graphic, I just think of it as clinical. Anyways, we had planned on going it the "old-fashioned way" but instead decided to do the IUI (intra-uterine insemination) it gives us the best shot short of IVF, and I really hope it works. I guess we'll know in a few weeks, though I can't say I'll share info that fast. I'm a little paranoid and I know I have a chance of miscarriage, we'll just have to see.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Clomid is the anti-baby drug

Well the Femara did wonders...sort of, my eggs look much better than they did Tuesday, so we are staying on that, but still very little uterine lining. Another day another drug, so today I got estrogen, $130 worth, and it's not that much :( Oh well. I go back for another ultrasound on Sunday and hopefully my uterus and my ovaries can get on the same page. What a wonderful change that would be! Anyways, apparently Clomid supresses something that is supposed to make your body in turn make more estrogen, that is not how it works for me. So no more of that. I am happy because I feel like we are making some progress. My once semi-monotonous life is no more.

I also went and picked up the massive amount of paperwork I have to fill out for my new job, I start that on Monday, and yes my back is still killing me. I'm getting and MRI on it today, hopefully they find something wrong because I think 2 months is just way too long to be in this kind of pain. I actually ended up in the emergency room on Tuesday, I kinda wanted to die. They, in response loaded me up with lots and lots of morphine. It was great, other than it felt like I instantly gained 50 lbs all over my body, but it definitely took the edge off. Anyways they scheduled me for an MRI and we do that this afternoon. Yes I am officially nuts, I'm trying to get pregnant, start a new job, and my back is falling to pieces. Wish me luck!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Good News, Bad News

So I was offered the job and I accepted it today. This is me showing a huge amount of faith, because my back has been worse in the past few days than it has been in a long time. I went to stake conference yesterday and literally laid flat on the floor in the nursery the whole time. (Tyson had work so I was on my own with the boys, I figured they'd do better if they could run around). At least I was there and trying to listen, right? Anyways, I was given a blessing Saturday that basically told me this job was put here for me and that my back would allow me to do it. So I'm going to try and do it and leave the rest up to Heavenly Father. I am calling the job the good news. It will definitely help us pay off some stuff and if we really end up needing to do IUI or IVF at least we will have some money to do that with.

Now for the bad news. I went in for an ultrasound today for a follicle study (we were trying to see how my body responded to the Clomid, and if eggs were developing). My uterine lining was not as thick as it should be and my eggs/follicles were underdeveloped. My thought was well that's better than the last time I was trying to get pregnant. I went for an ultrasound then and he told me I had NO uterine lining, I reminded him he told me that and I was pregnant 2 weeks later, he told me that's what we refer to as immaculate conception. Anyway the plus is that my lining and my eggs are actually somewhat timed together, so we still have a chance to try something more this month and in that spirit, I start Femara tonight and go back Thursday for another ultrasound. Here's hoping I react better to this than the Clomid which he said really didn't do anything. So here's to Thursday!