New Job and other odds and ends

So I started my new job yesterday and it was insane. At BYU I worked with a bunch of people and I had pretty much every new kitchen toy you can think of, also I never had to peel anything and rarely had to dice either and yesterday I spent way too much time peeling and dicing potatoes and it was only for 65 people! Today was much better, I had a better handle on thing and there were no potatoes! Tomorrow I will be taking my own peeler with me. About half-way through the day I really didn't want to keep working, then came dinner, and the compliments, and rants and raving, and I remembered why I love to cook. The sense of pride I get when someone really enjoys what I put so much work into is just amazing. Those kids are so appreciative, much more so than my 20 month old boys who just want to eat oatmeal and pop-tarts. :) (Don't worry, I still love them more). Oh, and the best part, other than being totally out of shape for this and sore, my back hasn't bothered me hardly at all! Yay!

So the other thing that's been going on. We had the ultrasound on Sunday and I had 2 eggs, good sized and ready to go. So, I got shot up for the 4th time in 6 days (which doesn't even compare to when I'm actually pregnant, but still, that's a lot of needles!) this time with HCG. It does NOT give you same fuzzy euphoria that morphine does, it does however tell your body to release those little eggs so hopefully some sperm can find it, fertilize it, and grow it into a baby. Sorry if that's overly graphic, I just think of it as clinical. Anyways, we had planned on going it the "old-fashioned way" but instead decided to do the IUI (intra-uterine insemination) it gives us the best shot short of IVF, and I really hope it works. I guess we'll know in a few weeks, though I can't say I'll share info that fast. I'm a little paranoid and I know I have a chance of miscarriage, we'll just have to see.

Clomid is the anti-baby drug

Well the Femara did wonders...sort of, my eggs look much better than they did Tuesday, so we are staying on that, but still very little uterine lining. Another day another drug, so today I got estrogen, $130 worth, and it's not that much :( Oh well. I go back for another ultrasound on Sunday and hopefully my uterus and my ovaries can get on the same page. What a wonderful change that would be! Anyways, apparently Clomid supresses something that is supposed to make your body in turn make more estrogen, that is not how it works for me. So no more of that. I am happy because I feel like we are making some progress. My once semi-monotonous life is no more.

I also went and picked up the massive amount of paperwork I have to fill out for my new job, I start that on Monday, and yes my back is still killing me. I'm getting and MRI on it today, hopefully they find something wrong because I think 2 months is just way too long to be in this kind of pain. I actually ended up in the emergency room on Tuesday, I kinda wanted to die. They, in response loaded me up with lots and lots of morphine. It was great, other than it felt like I instantly gained 50 lbs all over my body, but it definitely took the edge off. Anyways they scheduled me for an MRI and we do that this afternoon. Yes I am officially nuts, I'm trying to get pregnant, start a new job, and my back is falling to pieces. Wish me luck!

Good News, Bad News

So I was offered the job and I accepted it today. This is me showing a huge amount of faith, because my back has been worse in the past few days than it has been in a long time. I went to stake conference yesterday and literally laid flat on the floor in the nursery the whole time. (Tyson had work so I was on my own with the boys, I figured they'd do better if they could run around). At least I was there and trying to listen, right? Anyways, I was given a blessing Saturday that basically told me this job was put here for me and that my back would allow me to do it. So I'm going to try and do it and leave the rest up to Heavenly Father. I am calling the job the good news. It will definitely help us pay off some stuff and if we really end up needing to do IUI or IVF at least we will have some money to do that with.

Now for the bad news. I went in for an ultrasound today for a follicle study (we were trying to see how my body responded to the Clomid, and if eggs were developing). My uterine lining was not as thick as it should be and my eggs/follicles were underdeveloped. My thought was well that's better than the last time I was trying to get pregnant. I went for an ultrasound then and he told me I had NO uterine lining, I reminded him he told me that and I was pregnant 2 weeks later, he told me that's what we refer to as immaculate conception. Anyway the plus is that my lining and my eggs are actually somewhat timed together, so we still have a chance to try something more this month and in that spirit, I start Femara tonight and go back Thursday for another ultrasound. Here's hoping I react better to this than the Clomid which he said really didn't do anything. So here's to Thursday!

So Excited!

Tyson had an interview last week for a job to be an assistant manager at Famous Footwear. We got a call this morning that he got the job and would actually be making more than we had orginally thought! He starts next week and I'm finally feeling like there is a light at the end of this tunnel that is more than just the train.

I also have a job interview tomorrow. I'm not totally thrilled about it. It's part time in a kitchen (which is definitely what I prefer, and it's actually a set schedule which is so hard to find in my industry) however, with the back problems I've been having the past few months (not to mention the trying for another baby) I'm not even sure I could do it. Plus the idea of leaving my babies 3 days a week just makes me want to cry. Thankfully now that Tyson has a job a large chunk of pressure has been lifted off my shoulders. So I'll go to the interview and see what it is, and if they offer me the job we will take it to the Lord, because he's constantly me proving me wrong when it comes to what I think I can handle. Now I'm just praying that all goes well with the ultrasound on Monday, so we can do something about this baby thing :)

Way too much going on

Our lives are not our own. That's the one thing I think I've learned in the past 3 months. I used to make plans, but I think I've decided to give that up. That's not saying I don't have and won't continue to have hopes and dreams, just that I've decided I really don't have a say in much of anything when it comes to my life.

My husband was laid off 3 months ago and hasn't been able to find work since (we are hopeful maybe something will happen this week). Thankfully we had some savings and then came our tax refund, literally the same week we ran out of those. I chalk that up 100% to paying out tithing even though it logically it didn't seem practical, but it's been one thing I've been blessed for doing time and time again, so I'd have to be a fool to stop now. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and it won't be the last, but these many experiences are some of the biggest faith building experiences I've ever had.

I can't say that the last 3 months have really been easy or fun in a lot of ways. One of my brother's is building his dream house and we are doing everything we can to hold on to our little home. In the midst of this comes the other insanity that we have been trying to add to our family. (I know it seems insane, but I know it is absolutely what we are supposed to be doing.) We decided we'd give it 2 months before seeking out help because we already know I have fertility issues and our twins really never should have happened, at least not the way they did. Well 2 months have come and gone, and no baby yet. We started Clomid this last week, after running a ton of tests, they also decided to up my metformin and started me on armour thyroid hormone, because those were out of wack too. Next week we go for an ultrasound to see how my body is handling the Clomid. I'm just praying something goes right.

The other blow we had recently was finding out Tyson is actually 16 credits shy of graduating this year because his counselor messed up, so we have another 2 semesters to go. On the plus side, we were able to qualify for one last pell grant, so at least it's paid for. If we manage the baby thing it wouldn't be so bad because it'd give us a little extra money, and we can split it up so its only 10 credits in the fall and 6 in the spring, so hopefully if we get that little bundle of joy he should be around a little too help, and it's a lot easier to work a job around less school hours. I know I sound like I'm trying to convince myself and I am. I was just so ready for it to be done.

Lastly my good news. This week Jackson finally (he's 19.5 months) took his first steps, and after everything that he's had to overcome to do that, I'm so incredibly proud. I really am positive, I promise, its just hard to convey that tone when there is a bunch of crappy stuff to tell as well. I think I'm a bit resigned. Things have to get better at some point and I have to believe that if we are supposed to add to this family the Lord with provide a way for us to care for it. He always has before so who am I to doubt now. The best thing that has come out of Tyson not working is a newfound love of Temple work and family history. We've gone almost every week since his lost his job and sometimes more than that. I think if we have to go back to once a month I won't be able to handle it. I am so grateful for the good things in my life, I have amazing children who I love so much and an incredibly supportive and loving husband who I know would do anything for me. Things will get better, and someday I'll look back on this and know why, but for now I'm just trying to make it through, and we will.

Crazy Life!

I wanted to update as to what's been going on and leave you with a little "food" idea I stole from Kathie Cooks on pinterest, but upped a little.

So we are lacking a little in cash this year and inspired by a good friend I decided to make most of my kids/neighbors/some extended family's Christmas presents this year.

I've now learned to make soap, I'm working on bath salts and sugar scrubs to go with it for my neighbors, and I may get real crazy and try bath fizzies. Those are mostly for the neighbors and some family.

I've made 2 sets of hand puppets for my little guys, an Old Macdonald set and a nativity set. I've got one more to make that I'm going to try and do like paper dolls, so the person they are for can switch up who the characters are. I've made a handbag for another sister and my big project is the quiet books, thankfully those are almost done because I have so much more to do.

Anyways, for the food. Doesn't this look delish?

Preheat the oven to 350 F. I made roll dough (pretty much the only thing I use my breadmaker for and they come out great every time!), Rhoades would work great for this too, and the lady I stole it from used Grands Biscuits, I prefer the rolls. I had premade meatballs in the freezer, I warmed those up cut them in half (make sure they are precooked), cut up some small pieces of mozzerella and wrapped them up in the dough. Then brush the whole thing with melted butter, sprinkle with granulated garlic and parmesan, bake for 15-17 minutes till they look like this. Enjoy!

Trust

You know when you want to talk to somebody, but you don't feel like you can trust them anymore,yeah, that's where I am right now.