Open letter to my ward:

I pray everyday for my children to behave better, to sit still at church, to just let them be occupied enough to avoid those tempting church aisles. I have no desire to let my kids run up and down the aisles, and I'm constantly embarrassed by it. Everytime Jameson runs to the front door and wants to play in the curtains my heart drops just a little and I hang my head in shame. I'm sincerely sorry if it is causing you problems with your children wondering why mine are behaving as they are. My options however are, let them run and have them be quiet so that you, others, and myself can hear; try to hold them in my lap and let them scream bloody murder; take them in the hall and have them scream bloody murder where I in turn get nothing out of being there and they possibly disrupt other classes; or just not bother to come in the first place because believe me that would be easier especially considering nap time is right in the middle of sacrament meeting. I know a few people that choose that last option and just don't come when it's nap time or when there is only one parent as is frequently my situation. I personally think it's better for me to be there, I think it sets a good example for my children that even though it's not easy and there are some places we'd sometimes rather be, that I come to church every week regardless because I know that's where we should be. I know there are people that do it better than I do. I frequently look at them whistfully and wonder why my kids can't just sit down at church. They do very well when we read scriptures every night and say our prayers, but sacrament meeting is hard for them. They do wonderfully in nursery during lesson and singing time, (I know because I worry and check up on them frequently). This is not an easy situation for me. I'm trying the best I can, which these days with how I've been feeling, is exponentially harder. Everyone wants to tell me what I am doing wrong and how to change their behavior and while it might have worked for them that does not mean it will do anything for me. Twins are hard, they feed off each other and if there was only one you can bet I'd be strapping that child down, but the 2 of them have me beat when my husband can't be there and they know it. I try desperately to keep them in our row, especially till the sacrament is over, I try to hold off snacks and small toys till then too and then try everything I can think of to keep them in the row, still I frequently end up wandering the halls wondering why I'm even bothering. I'm doing everything I possibly can to help them behave. I hope you notice the behavior is different when there are two of us there. I'm trying and that's the best I can do right now. I can't reason with them, they don't understand me well enough yet and I them. Some kids you can just tell to do something and work on it and that works. Not mine, they have a need to understand why. I'm really not a softy when it comes to discipline, but really there is only so much I can do to get a 2 year old to understand. It will happen in time, one day they will sit still for 30 minutes, then an hour, and more. For now my goal is surviving. If you would like me to go somewhere else let me know and we'll go try and find somewhere else where we fit in better.