Good News!

I went to the doctor today for one last ultrasound praying that everything would be ok so we can go ahead with the IUI tomorrow, and for once everything is perfect. I actually have a good uterine lining and 2 eggs ready to go and I was so excited that I didn't have to pay for more meds this time. So I got shot up and we'll be headed in tomorrow for the procedure. I'm praying it works this time. I don't have enough money to try this again anytime soon. We can use all the prayers we can get! Wish us luck!

Finally got some good news!

So today was filled with more tests for me and my husband this time, and for once we both got good results. They did a sperm count on the hubby and his numbers were much more than good they were fantastic, like almost twice as good as they hoped they would be. Then came my tests, they were doing a hystogram, one of the few tests I haven't had run before. This consists of having saline run up through ones uterus and fallopian tubes while doing an ultrasound. This is done to check for polyps, fibroids, and blocked tubes. As per usual I totally expected something bad to show up, and I was pleasantly surprised when I was informed I had neither fibroids or polyps and apparently my fallopian tubes are amazingly clear, they seemed surprised at how fast the saline went right through me. Also he thinks we are going to get 2 eggs out of this cycle, with a slight possibility of 3, but my uterine lining is also looking good and that is totally a first! I go back for another ultrasound Tuesday and hopefully a nice big shot of HCG followed by an IUI either Wednesday or Thursday. I'm praying it works this time because we do not have the money to try this again anytime soon unless I want to start running up a few more credit card bills and I'd really like to avoid that. Wish us luck!

Ouch!

So first off, I chopped of the tip of my finger (lucky me!) thankfully no bone, they couldn't sew it back on, but it seems to be healing do that's good. Now on to the baby stuff. I went to the doctor on day 38. This time I actually had quite a thick uterine lining, but a negative pregnancy test. So he put me on progesterone to try and bring my period on, I'm on day 6 of that and still no period. I'm debating another pregnancy test. Anyways, if I ever do get this dang period then we are starting the Femara again and making another go around of the IUI. In the meantime I'm playing with my little stinker that refuses to go to sleep. He's just too darn cute and I can't seem to put him back down.

Here we go again...

I have a doctors appointment scheduled for a week from Thursday. We are going to try the IUI again (unless the doc suggests something different I guess). I'm just praying it works. I'm terrified of having to go the IVF route, not because it's really not fun (which it isn't), but mostly because we are no where near in the financial situation to be able to afford that. Also, I'm trying to prepare myself for the hormonal ups and downs, not so excited about that. Wish us luck. I'll let you know.

Update

Due to our doctor being out of town (on a well deserved vacation) we will be putting off the baby stuff till May. It's actually kind of nice because I just don't have to worry about it right now. I'm also working quite a bit more the later half of this month, so it will be good to not have the stress of the constant doctor's visits as well, not to mention the costs.

My good news is that for the first time in almost 5 months we are going to be able to make our house payment without having to dig into savings/baby money (which there really isn't much of, but we are trying), it will all come from Tyson's and mine new jobs, it sounds like a small thing, but it's huge to us. We really don't like needing help and being dependent on others, I think that has been the hardest part of lack of income. We still aren't making enough to really be on our feet, but we are getting there and I'm so excited about that. I seriously can't wait till we are self-sufficient again. I can't say how much we have appreciated the help we have received and I can't wait till we can pay back those that have helped us.

General Conference

After we found out we really weren't pregnant I asked Tyson for a blessing. It just felt like everything was falling apart in my life. I wasn't pregnant, my back is falling to pieces, Tyson's car just keeps breaking down, he's hardly getting any hours at work. Everything was just piling up. The blessing talked about about paying special attention to conference, that there would be something for me in every talk, some more than others, so I was trying very hard to pay special attention today, then came Elder Holland's talk, and I cried through the whole thing. First with the parable of the workers and their equal pay, and then when he talked about envy. I'm fairly sure envy is my greatest sin. It's been so hard for me to see all of my siblings dreams coming true, and so many pregnant friends. Everytime someone brings one of these things up I just want to cry, its not that I don't wish them well, but I'm sad for us. I keep getting told to be grateful for those things that I do have. I actually hate when people say this, because it's like they are saying I'm not, and I'm so incredibly grateful, I just don't feel complete. I know there are people that are supposed to be in my family and they aren't here yet and I don't really imagine being content until they are, in the meantime, its just so hard waiting for them. Anyways, the gist is I'm going to try harder to not be envious. I don't deserve to hurt everytime someone has something good happen. Some day things will balance out and we will get our full pay. I feel so much for those in that parable that wanted to be working and then just not getting this job or that job. It's been our lives for months now. We finally have jobs, but they don't cover the bills. I'm just trying to have faith that things will work out. I'm praying for it everyday and every night. For those children that I know are supposed to be part of our family. For jobs that will be able to support the family that we have as well as the one we want. For things to just be a little bit better, and for me to not want to cry everytime someone tells me they are pregnant or a family member talks about how much money they are spending just for the heck of it and how hard it is for them. It will get better, it has to.

Officially Not Pregnant.

That's kind of the gist of it. I'm sad, and a little terrified of becoming my friend. It's not uncommon for it to not work the first time, but it's plenty frustrating. I just feel like there is this long road of IVF in front of me that I really can't afford, at all. I'm not sure we are even able to afford doing the IUI again at this point. I can't decide if my husband is overly optimistic or naive, he's just so darn positive that this morning he was driving me bananas. I love that he is so supportive, but I just feel like my body has failed both of us. It's not the first time and certainly won't be the last, and I feel guilty about it. I also found out another friend is pregnant. This bring the count to like 3 within the last couple weeks and I don't know how many total (it's a lot). I'm happy for them, just sad for me, and a little jealous.

I have work today and hopefully that will be a decent distraction and we are going to go to the temple tomorrow. I really need some answers because I feel like I've just been wrong about everything in my life lately. Not to mention General Conference is this weekend and really, I'm kind of addicted. It's been hard only making it every other week, but I feel its really important that I spend time with my kids. Now that I'm working and not around as often I feel guilty about not spending enough time with them, so for now every other week will have to do it. Well, better go take care of the great kids I do have.